Consolations of Coaching I
Coaching is
a collaborative partnership in which, through ardent enquiry,
sometimes audacious and sometimes unassuming exercises,
a realm of possibility is created,
and the reality of change is realised.
What if you had Limited Time?
If you knew you had limited time (which you do), what would actually matter?
Most of the time, we’re operating on autopilot.
We rush from task to task without pausing to ask why.
Eventually, things can start to feel off.
On a deeper level, we’re misaligned with our values.
And if we aren’t aware of what they are, we certainly can’t align with them.
Values aren’t just words describing vague concepts we pick from a list.
They are priorities we deem significant, shaped by our actual experiences of the world.
Values dictate our attitudes, actions, and outcomes in real life.
Understanding what values are most significant to us in various contexts of our lives is simple yet powerful.
When our values are neglected, life feels empty and meaningless.
Honouring what we truly value dramatically improves our sense of authenticity and fulfilment.
But first, you need to know what they are.
Gain clarity, discover what motivates you and take control of the direction of your life with these 3 simple but illuminating reveals:
• Notice what’s important to you about this (goal/decision/choice)?
• Imagine getting what you want. What thoughts come up? What emotions do you experience?
• Consider what achieving/having this would do for you?
Awareness of your values is the first step to living an aligned life on purpose.
What’s your most surprising insight about your values?
Passengers on a Bus
Our emotions are like passengers on a bus, and we are the drivers.
These passengers get on, some of whom we greet fondly and welcome aboard like old friends,
some of whom we are averse to, dread and even fear.
Often, we don’t want to accept or ignore the passengers we don’t like. But this doesn’t mean they will go away; they will still be there. What we resist, persists.
And if we fight them, they will cause more chaos and delay our journey to our desired destination.
So we need a better way to relate to them.
Having awareness of our emotions increases our emotional regulation.
Even those challenging passengers who seem to stay on the bus for a long time or frequently come on board will get off at some point.
Emotions come and go in waves. They are impermanent. Remembering this can be helpful when difficult emotions arise.
Observing and allowing for all our emotions is simple in theory, but not easy in practice.
Instead of ignoring or fighting these emotions, we can start by asking ourselves:
What is this emotion telling me? (Reframe).
What is its positive intent for me? e.g. safety, fairness etc.
Is there another way I can fulfil this positive intent (in a way that is healthier or more conducive to what I want)?
What resources (state of minds, other emotions or qualities/characteristics that I possess) will help me do this?
As we accept all the passengers boarding our bus, we allow the emotions that arise to be felt. And in doing so, we create a little space between them and our response to them. The more we practice this, the greater freedom we have.
So watch and observe these passengers with compassion or perhaps even gentle fondness, especially the old, familiar ones we don’t prefer.
What are your thoughts on the passengers of your bus (and how you relate to each of them)?
If you’d like to continue this conversation with me and dive deeper into what drives you, gain clarity on where you’re going and create a personalised roadmap on how to get there, book a free 60-minute coaching call with me!